Top 5 Holborn Assets #AlternativeFacts

Posted on: 6th February 2017 in Holborn Assets

In this article, we would like to highlight some of the little known facts about Holborn Assets. Please note we mean “little known” not “alternative”, a term in use since January 22, 2017, for reasons well known to all.

• Holborn Assets can make you famous.
• We can help you grow organic food.
• We are members of Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
• We have superpowers.
• We can time travel.

Real Fact #1 – We are a highly regulated company

We certainly do live in interesting times and anyone can become famous – think mom in Chewbacca mask! Holborn Assets can’t make you an overnight internet sensation (if that’s what you’re aspiring to); we, however, can guarantee that you don’t become famous for the wrong reasons – like for a financial scandal.

Real Fact #2 – We are a financial services company that provides expert advice on pension, retirement, mortgages, wills and investments.

Sadly no, we cannot help you to actually grow organic food, although thanks to the hippies it would be a good skill to hone. If you do make a success of it, however, we can help with SME Insurance and other financial services. Let’s face it there is a ton of money to be made in the organic food industry.

Real Fact #3 – We are a British owned family business with a mission of putting the right money in the right place at the right time with integrity and respect for all.

Sure, we do have a good sense of style and we are British. But no, we are not MI6. Although our COO can carry off a lime green waistcoat like it’s nobody’s business.  

Real Fact #4 – We do have a super-talented team of super IFAs who are super UK certified and the crème-de-la-crème of the financial services industry. Homegrown super British IFAs working in Dubai, superbly servicing expats living in the area.

Must admit we have secretly dreamt of being bitten by a radioactive spider, but again sadly, we don’t have superpowers. But hang on, we do have the power to advise and guide you when it comes to your finances, and that counts for something, right?

Real Fact #5 – We are however experts at monitoring funds, adding up the numbers and telling you how your investments will perform over time.

While we would love to pull a Doctor Who, we are still getting our head around Einstein’s theory of relativity. So time travel? Not likely in this lifetime mate…. Just to be clear, financial services is not politics. There is no room for ‘alternative facts’. We deal only in cold, hard, real facts. And the fact is we have 20 years of experience in financial services, we only hire the best financial advisors and are regulated by the Insurance Authority and the Ministry of Economy in the UAE. Most importantly, we do not (and by Jove, we never will) employ anyone named Kellyanne Conway. #RealFacts